Do to the fact that I seemed to have misplaced our USB cable, we haven't been able to load any of our pictures into the computer. Bummer. I keep forgetting to just buy one when we are at the store. So, pictures will be posted next time.
I've been thinking a lot about getting older... Maybe it's because Michael and I celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary a few months ago, or maybe because we have 2 kids now? Mostly, I think it is because it is time for my 10 year high school reunion.
I'm not able to go to the reunion do to other plans. To be honest, I am relieved. Is that horrible? It makes me feel nervous even to think about it. Why you may ask? I'll tell you -
That was a different time in my life and I am just a shadow of the person I was then, I don't even recognize myself when I look at old photographs. It's not the physical change that shocks me, but the change is within. Thankfully I had a level head in high school for the most part and avoided most trouble. Still, however, I get sad sometimes when I reflect on those days.
Did I have a completely awful high school experience? No
Did I have good friends- yes
Did I have a good home life? Of course.
Was I following God- Yes, but it was kinda a lame effort at times.
All in all... I felt lost in a lot of ways.
It wasn't until after high school that I truly found my purpose in life and I actually became the person that God had created me to be. So, to visit the past seems so torturous to me. Why would I want to do that to myself?
There are definitely friends that I would like to see, but I would rather just meet up with them on my own, you know?
I was recently cleaning our closet and found Michael's senior book- the one that people sign with- "good luck in college, stay the same- don't ever change, it was fun sitting next to you in math, stay in touch" yada yada yada. Flipping through the pages, I was reminded that he and I are so similar. I saw the small ghosts of his past in those pages and I quickely tossed it in the trash. Later, I told him that I skimmed it and tossed it and he said, "Good, why would I want to hold onto that book?" Most people know that Michael is in many ways very different today compared to then, just like me. Both of us wish we could go back and change things...Knowing that we can't- we just chose to forget the past and try to make up for wasted time. I sometimes look at Michael and hear the lines of this song (one of my favorites)over and over in my head-
You brought me back to that place in my heart
I thought was gone, oh so long
I was unhappy now it's gone
And I'm moving on, moving on
I went for so long
And I was so wrong
And then I met you
And now I can't live without you
And I don't want to
I've done that all my life up till now
All the time, darling now, oh
All the time, now we'll have to make it up
We'll make it up, oh
All the days, darling now, oh
All the days, now we'll have to make them up
We'll make them up somehow
We'll make them up
4 comments:
Gee, thanks federal loans! I am so honored that you would check in.
-Mary
Bahahahaha, well, that just made me crack right up...the federal loans part...not your actual blog.
Actually, I'm so encouraged reading this because you know I've been so up in the air about going to my reunion next weekend. I feel the same way about who I was then and who I am now. Who likes living in the past? Certainly not me.
Mary, did you happen to have a 5yr high school reunion? Let me know and then I will elaborate. :)
actually, Anthony's class had a 5yr reunion. mine...did not. we are lazy bums. haha. i don't think anyone wanted a 5yr because most of us were still in contact with each other AND nothing really had changed all that much that we couldnt just find out from talking to one another. so our 5yr just sorta came and went. and now its been almost 8 years and we sorta just said: "oops!" it's a joke now with our class. our 10yr will be in 2011. i believe we will have one, but only if someone steps up and plans it. i absolutely LOVED high school, but a lot had to do with where i went. no offense to whatever school you went to, but my high school is truly a special place. i mean...i better think that considering i WORK there now! :) i love my high school and what i went through, even though sometimes it was incredibly rough mentally and emotionally...well geez - physically too if you want to talk about basketball. all in all, with your post - i DEFINITELY understand what you are saying about being where you are now and how you are so different. i feel the same way to a degree, but on my end...i have now just started to find myself at the age of 25. high school allowed me to take a peek of who i was to become and can be. college pushed me in the direction i needed to go. and now i am just figuring out who this girl really is and what she can do with herself. it's amazing.
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